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My teenager does not listen to me. What should I do?
My teenager does not listen to me. What should I do?
Start with one limit you will actually keep, said once, without a courtroom speech. Listening improves when the request is specific and the consequence is boring.
What may actually be happening
A teenager who 'does not listen' is often refusing a vague order, a public correction, or a conversation that starts at full volume. Silence can be protest, embarrassment, or a lack of any choice that still feels like theirs.
Look at it from both sides
You may be tracking safety, school, and the mood of the house. They may be tracking dignity. A limit on a phone is easier to hear than a verdict on their character. If every talk becomes a trial, they will specialise in exits.
What you can do
Pick one rule that matters this week. Say the behaviour, the reason in one sentence, and what you will do if it is ignored. Offer one real choice inside the limit: when the phone charges, not whether school is optional. Then stop repeating it.
What not to do
Do not collect last month's offences to prove you are right. Do not mock their tone and then demand respect. Do not make the consequence so large that you will not enforce it, because they have already learned that speech.
Try this today
Ask one question you can stand to hear answered: 'What time will the phone be downstairs?' If you snap, repair in a shorter sentence than the snap. 'I was harsh. The rule about the phone still stands.'
When you may need more help
If there is violence, a child is unsafe, or you are frightened of them or for them, this page is not the plan. Use a local family or crisis service. Ordinary stubbornness is not the same problem as danger.