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How do I say the hard thing and still be kind?
How do I say the hard thing and still be kind?
Kindness is the absence of contempt and the presence of a next step. Say the fact, the effect, and the request. Leave the insult out. The hard part remains hard. That is not a failure of kindness.
What may actually be happening
You are equating kindness with softness that hides the point. The other person then has to guess, and guessing makes them defensive. A clear sentence can still be warm.
What you can do
'The report missed the client's date. I was left to explain it. Next time I need the draft a day earlier, or a warning by noon.' Say it privately. Stay for their reply. If they are ashamed, do not add a kick.
What not to do
Do not coat the message in so many compliments that the request disappears. Do not use kindness as a delay until you are angry enough to be cruel.
Try this today
Draft the three parts: fact, effect, request. Read it once and delete any adjective about their character. Then decide the time and the place, and use it.